dear alex

mon 13th may ’19 @ 20:51

dear alex,

boy, i gave you my heart

and you threw it away just like that

 

you know,

i wasn’t even gonna say yes to a second date

but somehow i changed my mind

and everytime after, slowly, gradually: i fell for you

 

it started off with little interest at first

 

and then our first kiss

was electric

36 hours

that’s how long that kiss played on my mind after it happened

over and over again

loop de loop

 

alex

i fell i love with you

and i know i’m not stupid

because i knew you were falling for me too

and i cared for you so much

i still do

 

but the trouble is,

you’re scared.

 

and i get that

i truly do

because i was scared too

but alex, i gave you a shot

i was scared

but in my fear,

i found fearlessness

 

because you can move on from everything

apart from regret

 

and i wanted to try

and i still do

because i love you

 

and i realise that now

 

i realise how your touch

is like electricity

and every kiss we share

sends blood coarsing through my veins

as though every part of my being

is rushing just to be closer to

you

 

your smile

makes me feel all warm inside

and your laugh

the scars on your chin

and your bum (you idiot)

and your jaw

and your back

and your voice

it all makes my heart beat a little faster

a little stronger

because i know i can come home to you

because home is you

and i feel safest

when i’m in your arms

or you’re in mine

and it feels like

i could just hold you forever

and i would

and i would protect you forever

my love

 

my love

i will miss you

 

but my love

i pray

that

you learn to trust again

 

and that even if it’s not with me

that you will one day

sing loud from your lungs

dance wildly with your lanky arms

and trust and try

and live your life

free from the burden of your past

because

my love

that’s too harsh a burden for anyone to carry

 

and i pray that one day

you let it go

or that

you move on

and trust

that the universe will have its way

but you should never

let a good thing go

 

never let a good thing slip

my love

because our love was electric

and our hearts were pure

and we were young

 

maybe

one day

our paths will cross again

and i hope

that if that happens

that we are both ready

and we can love again

 

but if not

i will miss you my love

and i will never forget

the love

and the times we shared

baby

please learn to trust in yourself

know that it’s okay

if you’re still hurting

and if you’re scared

babe, i’m even more scared

but there’s nothing wrong with trying

at least that way, there’s no regret

and no what ifs

 

because my love

when your world and mine collided

it was like the universe had lined up all the stars

just for us to enjoy this love

and i can’t believe its ending

the universe weeps for us

i weep for us

i wonder if you do too

 

i love you alex

you were my first

but you will not be my last

i send you all my love

and prayers

you beautiful soul

 

i love you

i love you

i love you

 

and now i know

no heartbreak

could ever hurt me more

than the heartbreak

of letting you go

 

i love you

i love you

i love you

 

and i wish you the best, always

 

i love you

i love you

i love you

 

is love meant to feel this way